One of the most harmful mistakes anyone can make in life is allowing themselves to be recruited into hating someone who has never wronged them. Only a fool inherits other people’s enemies as a misguided expression of loyalty. This mistake can have devastating consequences, not only for the people involved but for families, friendships, and relationships. Often, such situations are fueled by manipulation, miscommunication, or personal biases, and those caught in the crossfire may not even realize how deeply they’ve been affected.
A personal example of this can be found in my own experience with my mother and father. For as long as I can remember, my mother harbored a deep resentment toward my father. She would badmouth him at every opportunity—whether we were at home, visiting relatives, or even in the presence of his own family. According to her, my father was nothing but an alcoholic, aggressive, and useless man. My brothers and I, being young and impressionable, absorbed these sentiments. We began to hate our father, not because of anything he had done to us personally, but because of the constant negative narrative my mother fed us.
Looking back, I realize that my mother’s hostility was not only unjust but perhaps rooted in her own dissatisfaction and personal issues. My mother was, in many ways, materialistic and uneducated. These factors may have shaped her view of my father, leading her to focus on his flaws and paint a distorted picture of him. I now understand that she may have had her own frustrations and unmet desires, and instead of addressing them constructively, she directed her anger toward my father.
In hindsight, I can also see how my mother’s attitude played a significant role in shaping my father’s behavior. She never welcomed him warmly, never showed him respect, and her bitter attitude often provoked him. I now wonder if her constant antagonism and harsh criticism made him angry, defensive, and even more likely to drink. It’s as if their relationship was trapped in a vicious cycle of negativity, each person’s actions reinforcing the other’s worst behaviors.
What makes this situation even more tragic is that my siblings and I were drawn into it without fully understanding the complexity of the relationship. We inherited my mother’s hatred for my father, even though he had never wronged us directly. In fact, there were times when my father tried to be present and loving, but the seeds of hatred had already been planted in our minds, and we couldn’t see past the image my mother had painted for us.
This experience serves as a powerful reminder of the danger of adopting someone else’s enemies as your own. It’s easy to get caught up in another person’s narrative, especially when that person is close to you, like a parent, sibling, or friend. But blind loyalty can lead to unjustified resentment and division. In my case, the real issue wasn’t my father’s character but the toxic dynamic between my parents, and my mother’s inability to handle her dissatisfaction in a constructive way.
Had I taken the time to form my own opinion about my father, free from my mother’s influence, I may have had a very different relationship with him. Instead, I allowed myself to be recruited into a war that was not mine, and I inherited a grudge that wasn’t justified. This experience has taught me that it’s important to question the narratives we are given, especially when they involve hate or resentment toward another person. Before we adopt someone else’s enemy, we should ask ourselves: has this person wronged me personally? Or am I simply carrying the weight of someone else’s bitterness?
In conclusion, the mistake of inheriting other people’s enemies is one of the most regrettable errors anyone can make. It leads to misplaced anger, broken relationships, and missed opportunities for understanding and reconciliation. If you ever find yourself in a situation where someone is trying to recruit you into their personal war, step back and evaluate the situation with a clear mind. Only a fool fights battles that are not theirs to fight. Instead of inheriting hate, choose to seek understanding and peace. This is the wiser path—and one that leads to true freedom from the shackles of other people’s conflicts.
Article By Hakan Nurhak
The Path Of Light 